Turning 30
by Auditore51
Summary: July 2010: The gang is deciding what to do about Robin's 30th birthday and as a result they all begin to reminise about each of their 30th birthdays.
1. Chapter 1

**2010**

"What're we going to do for Robin's birthday?" Ted frustratingly said for what felt like the millionth time. The gang minus Robin were sitting at Maclaren's discussing one of Barney's many many rules when Ted brought up the subject of Robin's thirtieth once again. "Come on, Ted, we agreed we shouldn't do anything, nobody likes their thirtieth" Lily sighed at Ted's persistence.

"Not to mention she's hit hotness rock bottom since her breakup with Don, wait, scratch that, she's gone straight through the rock and hit the land were showers don't exist" Barney laughed before a punch in the arm from Lily brought his amusement to an end.

"I don't know, maybe Ted's right, maybe a party would actually cheer her up" said Marshall. Ted, Lily and Barney immediately started laughing leaving Marshall confused. "What?" Marshall asked thrown back by the group's reaction. "Aw honey, don't you remember what happened when we tried to cheer you up on your thirtieth birthday?" Lily asked through Ted and Barney's laughter.

**2008**

Barney limped into his apartment with the help of a young, attractive blonde woman. "I cannot thank you enough for this" Barney said, looking deep into her eyes as he sat down. "It's the least I could do for a hero, I cannot believe you pushed a child out of the way of a moving bus!" the woman said placing her hand on Barney's shoulder. "Unfortunately my friend was not so lucky" Barney sobbed as he thought back to the paramedics cutting through his suit. "You're such a good man" the woman exclaimed. Barney smiled and leaned in for a kiss.

A few moments later there was a knock at the door. Barney pulled away from the now half naked woman and angrily yelled "Go away, I'm busy!"

"It's me, can I come in?" responded Marshall from the other side of the door. Barney sighed before sitting up and grabbing his crutches "Sorry about this, it won't take a minute" he said. Upon answering the door Barney gave Marshall an angry look. Marshall smiled at Barney, briefly looked at the clothes on the floor and the woman on the sofa and cheerily said "What're you doing?"

"That" Barney said, pointing to the woman on his sofa "So if you don't mind..."

"Oh, of course, sorry buddy" Marshall said while he awkwardly remained "it's just..."

"What?" Barney sighed, he loved Marshall but lately he'd been really bored dealing with unemployment which made him kinda clingy.

"Well, Ted and Stella kinda kicked me out for a few hours and Lily's at kindergarten, so I was hoping I could hang here"

Barney knew what he had to do, he thought back to Bro Code Article 1, 'Bros before hoes', and decided he had to let Marshall in.

**Later that night**

"We have to do something about Marshall!" Barney shouted when he saw Ted, Robin and Stella sitting in the booth. "There's nothing we can do, he needs a job" Ted replied already aware of the problem. "I already gave him a kick-ass job and he threw it in my face, and my company is on the verge of buying a bank so it's about to get even more awesome" Barney said, taking any opportunity to brag.

"Wait, isn't it his thirtieth coming up? We could throw him a party to cheer him up!" exclaimed Robin.

"That's actually not a bad idea, I'm sure he'd love that" Stella said hoping her agreement would help her get on the good side of Ted's friends.

"Great! Violet has started doing house calls to pay for her kid, I'll call her up" Barney excitedly pulled out his phone. "No strippers!" Ted yelled cringing at the memory of Stuart's and Marshall's bachelor parties.

Barney leaned back and gave Ted a confused look "No strippers? But, Ted, it's a well-known fact that boobs instantly cheer guys up, their perkiness will encourage an equally perky response from Marshall!"

"Alright, I've reached my Barney limit, bye" Stella said as she leaned in for a kiss from Ted. "Can you believe I'm marrying her!?" Ted shouted with excitement once Stella had left. "Oh Ted, Ted, Teddy Ted, Ted, don't do this" Barney pleaded.

"Barney, I'm not arguing with you again, someday you'll fall in love and you'll understand..." Ted stopped to reconsider what he had said.

"I am never going to fall in..." Barney paused as he looked into Robin's eyes "Gah! I gotta go... have sex with someone or something". Barney rose to his feet and limped out. "What was that about?" asked Ted.

"I don't know... he's been acting kinda weird ever since the accident" Robin replied. "Yeah, he's probably just-"

"What're you doing?" said Marshall, interrupting Ted as he and Lily sat down.

"We were just talking about Barney, did you go see him today?" asked Ted wondering what had tipped Barney over the edge. "Actually yeah, we had fun, we played Marshopoly with some woman he met, it's a game I invented" Marshall replied sporting a large grin. Ted and Robin looked at each other and smirked as they thought about how Barney must have reacted.

"Marshall, would you mind getting the next round?" Ted asked.

"Sure, what does everyone want?" Marshall left to order once everyone had said what they wanted and once he was out of earshot Ted said "Lily, we were thinking about throwing Marshall a thirtieth birthday party, what do you think?"

"Aw I think that's a great idea, he'd love that!" Lily excitedly replied.

"Okay, great, it's a plan, we'll throw him a party" Ted stated.


	2. Where's Ted?

**2010**

"What if we all just had like a movie night for her?" Asked Ted.

"Chimichanga" Lily murmured to Marshall.

"Um, we have to go" Marshall said excitedly grabbing Lily's hand and rushing out.

"Is it just me or are those two doing it more often than usual?" Ted laughed.

"It's disgusting, what sane human being would want to have a child?" Barney scowled.

"Come on, they're ready" Ted insisted.

"Lily's obviously not in her right mind, that hot dog guy looked nothing like me"

"That's how we know she's ready, deep down she didn't want to wait for the 5th doppelgänger, and Marshall's wanted this for a long time, remember what he said at his thirtieth?"

**2008 **

Marshall was walking with Lily up the stairs to their apartment holding hands. "I wish our apartment was ready" Marshall groaned thinking of the slanted floors at the apartment he and Lily had just bought. "I wish you'd worn pants" Lily replied. Upon getting to the door Marshall was surprised to find it locked. "The door's locked, Ted must have gone out, do you have your keys?" he said.

"Dammit Ted!"

"Lily calm down, he's probably at the bar, wait here" Marshall turned to head downstairs.

"No, no, why don't we just wait here for a minute and" Lily paused and looked at the door "maybe Ted's in the apartment!"

"...he's probably downstairs..." Marshall insisted.

"Or maybe he's in the apartment!" Lily shouted hoping Ted would hear and open the door. "Okay... I'm just going to see if he's in the bar" Marshall said starting to get freaked out with his wife's behaviour. "Where the hell is he?" Lily sighed.

**Earlier that night**

Ted was setting up a 'happy birthday' banner over the fireplace while Robin spoke on the phone; they were setting up the apartment for Marshall's 30th. "That was Lily, she's with Marshall and it's all going according to plan" Robin said, putting her phone down.

"Great! Barney should be here any minute with the cake, although who knows with those crutches" Ted replied stepping down from the step ladder he had used to set up the banner. "Oh my god!" Robin shouted as she read something on her phone.

"What's wrong?" Inquired Ted.

"I just got a text from work, I have to go in, they want me to cover a story" Robin replied, looking up from her phone. "Are you kidding? You can't do that, Lily and Marshall will be here soon" said Ted.

"Yeah, of course, yeah... It's just, if I don't go they'll give the job to someone else and what if that becomes permanent?" Robin frantically asked.

"Come on Robin, that won't happen, you're a great anchor, and this is Marshall's 30th!" Ted shouted hoping he would get through to her.

"Yeah, yeah you're right but umm, this is a big story and if the substitute is really good-"

"They'll not be as good as you" Ted interrupted.

"I am pretty good" Robin smirked, admiring her reflection on her phone screen.

"You know what? You never told me what happened on Lily's 30th birthday" said Ted hoping to change the subject. Robin smiled back at him and replied "yeah, and I never will"

"Come on!" Ted insisted.

"No, Ted" Robin said turning away as the she thought about the event.

"Well if you think-" Ted was interrupted by his phone "hang on I got a text from Barney... he's outside, he needs some help getting upstairs"

Ted left the apartment leaving Robin alone. She looked at her phone and bit her lip. "I've got time" she said to herself. She quickly ran to the door and left the apartment not long after Ted hoping she'd be able to sneak past him and get back before Marshall and Lily arrived. To her surprise she caught no sight of Ted or Barney on the stairs or outside. "Where are they?" she wondered before hailing a cab to get to work.

**Later that night**

"Lily? Where are you?" Asked Robin over the phone on her way out of Metro News 1. "Where am I? Where are you? And where's Ted? He's not picking up?" Replied Lily outside the apartment.

"He's not back yet? I'm so sorry, I'm on my way, I swear"

"Back? Where'd he go?"

"Last I saw him he left to help Barney up the stairs"

"Barney!" Lily hissed.

**One week ago**

"...and then she takes the spoon back off the guy and uses it to-"

"Enough Barney! We're not hiring a stripper for Marshall's party" Lily shouted bringing an end to Barney's graphic description of his ideas for Marshall's 30th birthday party. "I don't think I can use a spoon ever again" said Ted, disgusted. The gang had managed to buy some time without Marshall by making up a story about a great Viking lamp at a flea market. "Come on, this isn't fair, I didn't even get to go to Ted's 30th birthday party, you all owe me this" said Barney.

"You slept with Robin" replied Ted.

"Yeah I did" Barney smirked and raised his hand for a high five off Robin. She simply smiled shook her head leaving Barney to lower his hand and say "you guys need to start appreciating me"

"We'll keep that in mind" Robin smiled back at him. Barney was about to reply when the sight of Robin smiling at him made him lose his train of thought. He shook his head, looked at the ground and wondered how long this 'love' thing would last.

"Oh! You know what Marshall would love? I should phone up his mom and get the recipe for her seven layer salad" Lily said ecstatic while everyone else looked at her confused. "Seven layer salad?" Ted asked.

"Oh yeah... I helped make it that time we went to Minnesota for thanksgiving, it's like 80% mayonnaise but Marshall seems to love it" she replied looking disgusted as she remembered having to eat it. "Are you guys seriously not going to let me hire Violet for the party?" Barney whined in a high pitched voice.

"No!" Yelled Ted, Lily and Robin all at once.

"Fine, you know what? I'm going to throw my own party!" Replied Barney.

"You do that Barney, but no one will be there because we'll all be at our party" said Lily.

"Oh, we'll see, we'll see..." said Barney as he rose to his feet "Mwahahahaahhaha!"

**One week later**

"Okay... I'm just going to see if he's in the bar" said Marshall as he began to head downstairs. "Where the hell is he?" Lily sighed.

"You say something, Lil?" Marshall shouted from the stairs.

"Uh yeah, I just need to make a phone call, I'll be down in a sec" she shouted back as she selected Ted from her contact list. "Okay!" Marshall yelled as he continued to go downstairs. "Going to find my buddy, Ted, down, down, down" he sang to himself as he walked down the stairs.

Marshall strolled into the bar and went to speak to Carl "Hey, Carl, have you seen Ted? We can't get into the apartment"

"No, sorry, man" he replied. Marshall went outside and looked around again, wondering where Ted would have gone at this time of night. "Psssst, Marshall!" he heard a voice coming from a limo parked outside Maclaren's. He approached the vehicle, not exactly sure what to expect. When the window rolled down more Barney stuck his head out and smirked "hey! We've been waiting ages for you man! Get in!"

"Barney?" Marshall stepped into the limo and saw Ted sitting there too "what's going on?"

"Dude it's your birthday! Did you think I was just going to let you sit upstairs with your hand in your pants while you watched Seinfeld reruns?" Asked Barney sarcastically.

"Yeah I don't know buddy, I had a nice time with Lily now I just wanna relax, don't make a big deal outta this" said Marshall.

"Come on man, I just talked Ted into this don't tell me I have to convince you too" replied Barney.

"Sorry, guys, Ted, can I have the keys" Marshall asked going to open the door. "Sure, I understand, glad you had a good time" Ted said reaching into his pocket. "Ranjit! Drive!" Shouted Barney and the limo immediately pulled out and accelerated onto the road in response "let the party begin!"


	3. Okay? Awesome!

**2008**

"This is our first stop?" Ted asked as the limo pulled in outside a club with a sign above the door saying 'Okay'. "Ted, trust me, this place is the new Wrong according to Bros-Life magazine" Barney replied scouting the line for targets as he got out. "Barney really talked you into this" Marshall asked Ted in disbelief, Barney, overhearing, replies "Marshall, I convinced the queen to give me a fist-bump! Check it, the setting: Buckingham Palace, now I was actually there to score with that Kate chick but-"

"Wait, why would you be in London?" Ted asked, instantly knowing the story had no grain of truth to it. "Ted, I just said, listen when people talk" Barney replied.

"Barney, look at yourself, you're still in crutches from your bus accident, you're in no state to be going to a club" Marshall sighed, just wanting to be back home with Lily. "Oh Marshall, I only need one bone to be in working condition and my Barnacle is doing just fine" Barney laughed.

After waiting outside for what felt like hours Ted, Barney and Marshall eventually got into the club. "Now what?" Marshall could only imagine what Barney had in store for them. "We loosen up, have fun and... Oh my god, get a load of her!" Barney shouted before limping off in the direction of a young woman wiping a spilt Appletini of her shirt. Marshall sighed as he watched Barney chat up the woman. He looked around and reached the sad conclusion that they were the oldest people in the club before walking over to the bar to get drinks. After waiting in line for at least twenty minutes he finally got to speak to the bartender. Marshall considered ordering a cocktail but decided against it when he thought of the reaction it would provoke from his friends. "Yeah, hi, can I get two beers and if-" Marshall started before he was interrupted by a woman flashing her breasts at the bar. The bartender walked down the bar and Marshall got shoved to the back of the line. "I'm just back here... Waiting for those beers!" Marshall shouted knowing the bartender wasn't listening.

Barney was successfully playing off a woman's sympathy when he was interrupted by the ring of Marshall's phone from his pocket. "Go for Barney" he said as he lifted his finger up to the woman, indicating he wouldn't be long. "Barney? Where's Marshall?" lily yelled from the other end of the phone, clearly angry at Barney. "Lily! Hey, he's..." Barney glanced at Marshall looking depressed at a table "... about to have the time of his life, gotta go, enjoy your party". Barney hung up the phone and immediately went over to try and cheer Marshall up. "Marshall? Ted? What are you guys doing? You're not even trying to have fun!" He yelled.

"Barney, come on, look around, this place is lame" Ted said looking bored as people bumped and shoved him as they tried to get past. "Lame? That's a gay bar" Barney said tired of his friends acting this way, ever since Ted had gotten engaged he'd had no one to 'Bro out' with. "Let's just go, Barney, I really appreciate what you're trying to do but it's just not happening" Marshall said rising from his seat.

"Guys! Please!" Barney yelled trying to stop his friends from leaving to no prevail.

Once outside Marshall started frantically patting his pockets and Barney came up behind him smiling. "Looking for something?" Barney said holding out Marshall's phone.

"How'd do you do that!?" Marshall laughed amused at Barney's trick. Barney simply shrugged it off with a smug look on his face. Marshall was selecting Lily from his contact list when he opened the limo door and then immediately closed it with a surprised and disgusted look on his face. "What's wrong?" Ted asked confused. Marshall immediately turned to Barney and said "who is that and what is she doing in the limo?!"

"Oh good she made it. That is Violet, she does private strip shows so I cleared it with her and Ranjit to give us a show in the back of the limo! Yeah!" Barney replied looking proud. Marshall sighed and looked down at the ground.

"Come on, man, I just wanted to give you a good party, you're thirty!" Barney yelled trying to cheer up his friend. Marshall looked up surprised as if it had just occurred to him how old he was. "I'm thirty" he repeated in amazement.

"Exactly, so what do you say you get in there and let Violet do her thing!" said Barney.

"No, okay, I'm thirty, I'm too old for this, I'm too old to go to clubs, we're not in our twenties anymore, people in their thirties are buying houses and having kids and what're we doing?" Marshall sat down on the curb depressed.

"Marshall, are you okay?" Ted asked placing his hand on his friend's shoulder. "No, I'm not, me and Lily just bought a crooked apartment, Lily has mountains of credit card debt and I don't even have a job! I just thought I'd be so much further along by the time I was thirty, I thought me and Lily would have a house in the suburbs with a kid, maybe another on the way and I'd be a big time lawyer..." Marshall replied glumly. Ted and Barney looked at each other, not quite sure what to say. Barney looked at the limo and started to feel guilty. "I'm sorry, Marshall, I thought this would cheer you up" he said.

"I'm not mad at you, Barney, I'm mad at myself, it's just... all I want is a reason to put on pants in the morning" Marshall looked down at the picture of Lily on his phone and thought about all she was doing to help support him. The three friends sat in silence for a while and then suddenly Barney's face lit up.

"Dude, we haven't even given you gifts yet!" Barney said excited. Marshall looked up and said he wasn't in the mood and Barney replied "trust me, I think you'll like this". Ted and Marshall looked at Barney in anticipation only for him to say "wait for it..." and raise his hand. "My company is in the middle of a hostile takeover of Goliath National Bank and once it's over we're going to need men in the legal department..." Barney said looking ecstatic.

"Work for a bank? I don't know..." Marshall replied.

"Marshall this might not be such a bad idea, you certainly need the money, and thirty is nothing, there's still plenty of time to get a job at the NRDC and save the planet" Ted said trying to cheer up his friend. Marshall thought for a second, the idea wasn't initially appealing but Ted was right. He rose to his feet, put out his arm for a handshake from Barney and said "I'll take the job Barney!"

"A handshake? What are we two ex-lovers awkwardly reuniting out of the blue at a coffee shop? Come on, give me a high five!" Barney replied raising his hand. Marshall smiled and immediately gave Barney a high five. "Awesome! We're going to be Bro-workers again!" Barney yelled.

Marshall nodded and said "yeah, I really can't thank you enough for this, I can't wait to tell Lily"

"Hey, what're best friends for?" Barney smiled.

"Actually, I'm his best friend" said Ted.

"Sure, sure" Barney leaned in closer to Marshall and said "boy does Ted have ego issues"

**A few hours later**

Barney, Marshall and Ted walked through the door into the apartment only to find Robin and Lily waiting for them. "Barney! If it wasn't for your bus accident I'd be kicking your ass right now...! I took a karate class once... Kinda" Lily shouted as soon as she saw Barney.

"Lily, calm down, we actually had a nice night, we ended up going to Shinjitsu-" Marshall said before he was interrupted by Barney sneezing "bless you. Anyway, I have great news, you know that place Barney's company is taking over? GNB?" Marshall continued.

"Uhg, yeah, by the way Barney, I gotta say, working for a bank is kinda lame" Lily replied making Barney instantly angry. "How dare you!" He yelled.

"Lame?" Marshall asked.

"Well... Yeah, I mean Barney should be looking for a place were he could make a real difference, like you" Lily said smiling at Marshall "but instead he's working at a bank... Oh I'm sorry, what were you saying?" Marshall hesitated and looked at Barney. He remember how disappointed Lily was when he accepted the job at Barney's company back in 2006. "Um... I think Barney could get some money off the debt on your GNB credit card" he said glumly, he looked at Barney and sadly shrugged his shoulders. Lily smiled at Marshall and then at Barney and said "thanks Barney, that would really help out". Barney looked at Marshall and moved his head in the direction of the kitchen. Marshall understood the signal and walked into the kitchen after Barney.

"I know, I know, but she's right, she was so disappointed when I took the first job you offered me and she was so proud when I left... I don't think I can take that job" Marshall said once he entered the kitchen. Barney frowned and said "Marshall, you need this job! You need to pay for the apartment, you owe Ted money from when he sold his car, and you're going to need money if you want all that kids in the suburbs crap"

"I know you're right, but you saw her face, I can't tell her I'm going to work at GNB"

"Well... once I get a job there I'll talk up GNB in front of Lily and get her to see how awesome it is"

"I don't know" Marshall hesitated.

"You know you what this, Marshall, you were so excited when I offered you the job outside Okay, and if you're happy, won't Lily be happy?"

"Yeah... I guess... and it would be nice to wear pants again..." Marshall replied still hesitating.

"Well... We'll have to get you better pants but yeah, and don't worry about that i'll take you to my tailor again!"

"Are you crazy? I'm still paying him from last time"

"So... Are you taking the job?" Barney asked.

Marshall thought for a second and then said "yes" as a smile broke out on his face. Barney's face lit up.

"Barney Stinson allllllways gets the yes" he laughed as he exited the kitchen.

"Marshall, are you okay?" Ted said entering the kitchen with his hands behind his back. Marshall looked at his friend and smiled "yeah... Yeah, I am". Ted returned his smile and said "great, listen, I got you something" as he revealed a book in his hand. He extended his arm out and Marshall grabbed the book. The title on the book read 'A look back at Bigfoot sightings: Where is he now?'. A big grin broke out across Marshall's face and he excitedly said "Ted do you have any idea what this book could do for us?! We could be the ones to find Bigfoot!"

"Wait, I thought you were Bigfoot?" Ted laughed. Marshall laughed in response and thanked Ted for the book. "And Marshall, I know you're not as far along in your life as you thought you'd be but nobody is, everyone feels this way when they turn thirty" said Ted.

"You didn't, you loved your thirtieth" Marshall replied.

"Well yeah, but that's because I can't wait to get old, but it was still hard, I mean I look at you and Lily and, come on, you guys are both so lucky" Ted smiled.

Marshall looked into the other room and Lily and felt a lot better as he realised Ted was right "yeah, yeah we are".

"So, look at us, we're just a bunch of people in their thirties, you're married, I'm engaged, we're so... Old" Ted laughed.

"Well, don't forget about Robin" Marshall said, thinking about how Robin would deal with her thirtieth...


	4. All Alone

**2010**  
"I'm sorry, what were we talking about?" Barney said returning to the booth. Ted had been sat alone on his phone deep in thought until Barney sat back down. "We were talking about Robin's 30th" Ted replied as he put his phone in his back pocket. Barney sighed and said "ugh, still?" he collapsed back in the booth faking exhaustion. Barney cared about Robin, a lot, but he couldn't help but cringe as he thought about how she's been recently.

**One week ago**  
Barney casually opened the door to Ted and Robin's apartment, not bothering to knock, he thought of the place as something of a second home or a hideout for when crazy chicks found their way back to his place. "Hey- ah!" Barney stopped dead in his tracks as he saw Robin. She was sat on the couch surrounded by mountains of junk food and used tissues. Her hair was a uncombed forrest barely concealing numerous Cheetos and other likely expired snacks. She looked up at him and smiled, revealing teeth stained with what appeared to be caramel. "My god!" Barney yelled looking away. "Oh haha, I know I've let myself go a little but that's getting old" Robin replied, tired of Barney's constant mocking. Barney stared at the door wondering if he should leave. He turned back and realised he was being kind of a jerk. "You're right, I'm sorry" he said "but uh, I should be heading out"

"Wait, would you mind... Just sitting with me for a minute" Robin asked, silently begging him with her eyes. Barney turned back and sighed, he would have to suck it up, Robin was his friend, she'd do the same for him, heck, she did do the same for him, he thought back to the Christmas of 2006 when she looked after him when he was 'overflowing with awesome'. "Sure" he smiled heading to the couch to sit down next to her. He gazed at the TV and laughed to himself as he recognised the set of Million Dollar Heads or Tales. It was a stupid show, but he couldn't help but find the coin flip bimbos hot. He cringed as he sniffed, his nose took in a foul smell he couldn't even begin to identify. "What is that smell?" he asked, trying not to sound disgusted. "Haha, I don't know" she laughed. 'Boy, Don did a real number on her' he thought to himself. Robin yawned and began to stretch, which caused Barney to be met with a host of new horrific smells, his face began to twitch until he could stand it no more. He rose to his feet and began to head to the door. "Sorry, Robin, I have to go, big thing at work" he said.  
"Wait..." Robin replied causing Barney to stop and turn round. "What's wrong?" he asked. Robin stared back at him for a moment before saying "nothing, it's stupid"  
"Alright" Barney smiled at her before heading out the door.

**One week later**  
"Yes still, this is a big deal!" Ted yelled. Barney sighed, why couldn't Ted be as cool as him. "No it's not, face it, not everyone is like us, most people dread their 30ths" he replied, hoping Ted would drop it. Ted shook his head and stared off into the distance, silently contemplating something. "But it is possible to have a good 30th, look at us!" He said breaking the silence. Barney pulled a confused face and raised his hand. "You had a good 30th birthday?" Barney said confused. When Ted nodded Barney looked away in disgust. "Really because from what I remember you didn't even attend your 30th birthday party!" He yelled. Now Ted was the one confused "Uh? Yeah, I did"  
"Uh, no, remember..."

**2008**  
"But, Ted...seriously, this suite at the Bellagio..." Barney said desperately trying to get his friend to forgive him. "I am not going to Vegas with you, I'm not going to blow off my friends and my girlfriend, and spend my 30th birthday in a strip club. The fact that you think I would... You know, Barney, earlier this week I started putting things in a box and that box was labeled 'stuff I have no use for anymore'" Ted replied looking furious. Barney looked at Ted confused, the way Ted stared at Barney made him feel consumed with guilt and fear. "What does that mean?" Barney asked, almost too afraid to hear the answer. "It means... maybe you belong in that box" Ted said meeting Barney's gaze.  
"Are you saying you don't want to be Bros anymore?"  
"I'm saying I don't want to be friends anymore" Ted said, still angry. Barney couldn't believe what he was hearing, how could he have done this to Ted, his best friend. He was disgusted with himself. He didn't know what to say and then his abandonment issues kicked in and he became desperate. "Okay, I'm going to stop you right there, because it seems like you're about to say something that's going to pretty much ruin Vegas" he said hoping Ted would at least stay.

Ted looked away and said "Ranjit, stop the car, I'm getting a cab". As the limo pulled to a stop and Ted stepped out Barney felt horrified with himself. He reached for his glass only to find it empty. He sat back and thought about Shannon, uncle Jerry... Through out all his life the people that mean the most to him always seem to walk away. He thought about how it must be him, how he was a jerk to everyone. "I'm sorry, Ted" he muttered to himself. The partition came down and Ranjit angrily turned to look at him. "I know" Barney said looking away, no matter how hard he tried he always seemed to let people down. Barney and Ranjit sat in silence for a moment before Barney asked "think he'll ever forgive me?"  
"He will" Ranjit nodded, he smiled at Barney, he could tell that he already felt terrible "where to?"  
Barney paused for a moment and then solemnly said "Just take me home I guess"

**2010**  
Ted sat back and thought back to his party. Barney looked down, depressed from remembering the event. "I'm sorry" Ted said, feeling a little guilty hearing how the event made Barney feel. "No, I'm sorry" Barney replied looking back up at his friend. They sat in silence for a moment before Ted started laughing "this is crazy, why are we talking about this? It's like way in the past". Barney replied with a laugh, he knew Ted was right but thinking about the whole thing still made him kinda upset. He shook his head, what was he thinking? He was Barney Stinson, he doesn't feel sadness, whenever he gets sad he just stops being sad and becomes awesome instead. "I uh, I'm gonna go" Barney said getting up from the booth.

As we walked out of the bar Barney thought back to uncle Jerry, Shannon and Ted leaving him. He wouldn't admit it to anyone but it really hurt, deep down he didn't want to be alone, he was grateful he had his friends. Then he stopped outside the bar and thought about Robin and Don "Oh my god..." he muttered aloud to himself.


	5. The Cake

**2010**

Ted walked up the steps to his apartment. He felt bad for what had just happened between him and Barney at the bar. It was crazy, it was all in the past now but thinking about it stirred up old feelings. The way Barney risked his life to get to the hospital for him proved that he was truly his friend. But Ted thought back to his 30th birthday, back then Ted never wanted to see Barney again. Maybe that car accident was a miracle? Ted smiled as he thought about all the good times he'd had with Barney, the liberty bell incident, getting the trail stamp, he was truly grateful to have him as a friend. But still, his 30th birthday party was fun even without him, well, not the party itself.

**2008**

"Surprise!" Everyone yelled as Ted stepped onto the roof. It wasn't really a surprise, Ted knew it was coming, but he was overjoyed none the less. Marshall, Lily, Robin and Stella all came to greet him and say happy birthday. "Thanks guys, this really means a lot!" Ted said appreciatively.

"The big 3-0, how does it feel?" Marshall laughed.

"I have an uncontrollable urge to go to bed at nine" Ted chuckled. Stella leaned in close and whispered in his ear "hopefully you won't be too tired for the present I got you"

Ted smiled back and replied "never".

Lily looked around confused "where's Barney?" she asked.

"We decided that it'd be best if he didn't come" Ted said awkwardly. Robin looked at him frustratingly "you said you weren't mad"

"I'm not mad at you, and I've just outgrown Barney"

"You've outgrown him?" Lily asked

"Yeah, I mean he's the kinda guy you're friends with in your twenties, when you're young and only want to have fun, but I'm thirty now, I have to mature and he's not willing to do the same thing" he replied before walking off. Stella looked at Robin, Lily and Marshall before following him. She put her hand on him and asked "are you okay?". He looked up, smiled and said "yes! Of course, why wouldn't I be?" before she could reply Ted turned round and asked why everyone was so glum.

Marshall and Lily came over and they too asked if he was okay and he reassured them he was fine. Sure he was gonna miss Barney but this was the right choice. "So... Where's my cake?" Ted laughed. Marshall and Lily smiled and looked at each other. "Oh buddy, you are in for a treat, this cake-"

"-Is the best!" Lily interrupted. Marshall nodded in agreement and said "it's beautiful, we got it from the best bakery, their cakes..." Marshall placed his hand on Ted's shoulder and stared off into the distance "they're like the sugary equivalent of angels, one mouthful will change your life forever... the lusciously smooth base split in two by a sweet river of jam flowing through ever so gracefully, and then... the icing, oh the glory of that icing, resting so softly on the top of the cake like a beautiful layer of snow on Christmas morning..."

Ted looked at Lily for conformation that the cake was really as good as Marshall described, he knew his friend had a habit of giving his approval to things that weren't worthy of praise. Lily looked at him and nodded, making Ted psyched.

"Man... I want this cake!" Ted yelled, unable to contain his excitement. Stella smiled at him and placed her hand on his shoulder, trying to get him to calm down. Marshall and Lily stood there in silence for a moment, both smiling. Marshall nudged Lily and she nudged back. "C'mon Lily" he laughed, looking his wife.

"Yeah?" She said, looking at him confused.

"Ted wants his cake..." he laughed again, smiling at Ted.

"So... Why don't you go get it" she laughed in response. Marshall sighed, looked at Lily and said "alright, fine, just tell me where you put it"

Lily stopped and began to look angry "I didn't put it anywhere, picking up the cake was your job!"

"Uh yeah, and I picked up the cake..."

"But you didn't feel the need to bring it to the party!" Lily yelled, she and Marshall had put a lot of work into finding the perfect cake for Ted, it was shaped like the Empire State Building. "I left it on top of the cabinet and when I went to get it, it was gone! So you must have moved it!" Marshall yelled, equally frustrated.

"Guys, come on, I'm 30, I'm not going to get all upset because I don't have a cake" Ted laughed. Marshall and Lily laughed it off before giving Ted and Stella some alone time.

"So, getting back to what you got me for my birthday..." Ted turned Stella. When he looked her in the eye he knew she was the one. He was so sure that Robin was the one and then when that relationship failed he ended up getting a tramp stamp. Then, out of all the doctors he could of went to, he went to Stella. Ted thought that the reason the universe kept sending him signs to get together with Robin was because if he hadn't, he never would have met Stella. "Well, I was saving it for tonight, but I suppose we could jam in a quickie" she giggled "meet me in your bedroom in twenty minutes?". Ted immediately nodded with glee and Stella slowly walked away.

**2010**

"Okay, I'm ready to have sex now!" Robin said amongst a sea of snacks. Ted had just entered his apartment and was immediately thrown aback by the sight of Robin. He began to feel slightly guilty for sitting down in the bar while she was up here wallowing in her own sadness. He went over to her and gave her a hug, he was met with a slightly foul smell but he pretended it didn't bother him. "Robin, it's going to be okay" he said while patting her back. Robin immediately broke free and gave him a frustrated look "no, no it's not! I'm sick of people telling me that! I was finally ready to make a commitment, to have something real, before Don I would never have dreamed of putting love before my career but I did, and look where it got me!" She sat back and began to cry. Ted looked at her for a moment, Robin was usually so strong it was really unsettling to see her like this.

"Robin, you will get married, if that's what you want, and if you want a job at World Wide News, you can have that too, maybe not tomorrow, or next year but eventually, if you're honest with yourself about what you want, the universe will give it to you, we've all got a happy ending, we just have to wait for it" Ted smiled, half expecting Robin to lift her hand up to her mouth and make a farting noise. "Yeah right" she scoffed.

"I'm serious, you may have a while to wait but eventually you're are going to be married to an amazing guy and working at World Wide News!" he said placing his hand on her knee. Robin looked at him an briefly smiled before grabbing a bag of Cheetos. "Alright, if we're going to sit here eating junk food, we're doing it right" Ted said grabbing the phone. Robin looked at him, confused, and said "what are you doing?"

"I was just thinking about the cake from my 30th birthday-"

"The first one?! That was delicious!" Robin sat forward with excitement. Ted nodded cheerfully and started dialling Marshall's number to see where he got the cake from. The way Marshall described it really made him want to have it but unfortunately he never got the chance. Ted was about to hit 'call' when he stopped and thought about what Robin had said. He looked at her suspiciously and she turned away, looking guilty. "We never got to eat the first one" he said. Robin turned back, looking apologetic and said "yeah, I know... but umm..."

**2008**

Robin knocked on the door to Ted, Marshall, and Lily's apartment but once again there was no answer. She had gone to meet Lily so they could go get dinner together and was beginning to get frustrated. She heard her phone go off in her pocket and she quickly pulled it out. 'Sorry! Not going to make it for at least another hour! You wanna wait? -Lily'. Robin shoved her phone back into her pocket and began to leave. However upon thinking to herself she decided to use her key to go into the apartment and get a snack. Upon getting inside she quickly closed the door and leapt into the kitchen. She searched high and low but all she found was a note saying 'we need groceries, Marshall, it's your turn! -Teddy Westside'. She laughed to herself for a minute upon reading Ted's lame self assigned nickname.

She sighed, ready to give up when she noticed a box above one of the cabinets. She gave herself a boost on the counter and grabbed the box. Upon opening she saw a beautiful cake shaped like the Empire State Building. She was about to cut a slice when she realised that it must be Ted's birthday cake. She began to close the box but stopped half way 'Ted, wouldn't miss a little bit of icing, would he?' she thought to herself.

**2010**

"...and I ended up eating it all" she said, looking down at the ground "I tried to stop but you have no idea how good the cake was!" Ted looked at her a second and then began to laugh "it's okay, really"

"I'm sorry, but I kinda made up for it, I did get you the second cake" she smiled.

"No... Barney got me that" Ted said thinking back.

"Well yes, technically he did but umm..."

**2008**

"I can't believe Marshall lost Ted's cake? He just went down to look for it and no luck" Lily sulked. Robin looked away feeling guilty. "Are you okay?" Lily asked noticing her discomfort. Robin looked at her but couldn't tell her the truth "uh yeah"

"Robin, I know what's bothering you" she said. Robin looked her in the eyes and began to worry, how could she possibly know? "You do?" Robin asked.

"Yes! Of course, but listen this thing between Ted and Barney isn't your fault" she said trying to comfort Robin, unfortunately she had the opposite affect. Robin hadn't even been thinking about that, she was too distracted, but now her heart sank, how could it not be her fault? She invited Barney to come over, and it was Barney, it was obvious something was going to happen and now because of her he'd lost his best friend and Ted had lost his... really good friend.

"But why isn't Ted mad at me, I'm just as much to blame as Barney, if not more, I mean look at me, I should have known Barney would want a piece" Robin replied. Lily thought for a moment, she knew there had to be more to this than Ted simply outgrowing Barney as a friend. "I don't know... but this whole thing is going to blow over, I promise, they can't-" Lily stopped as she eyed Marshall walking over to the edge of the rooftop "I've gotta go, uh, remember, not your fault". Robin watched Lily scurry over to Marshall who had climbed up onto the edge of the building. "Dammit Lily! I have to do this! It's my fault Ted doesn't have a cake, I ruined his 30th birthday! It's time to make the leap" she heard Marshall scream. She had to fix this whole cake thing. She phoned the only person she knew who could get an awesome cake at such short notice in the middle of the night.

"Go for Barney" she heard the voice on the other end of the line say. "Hi, I need a favour" Robin said, crossing her fingers. Barney laughed and replied "oh boy, here we go, I should've seen this one coming, Robin, look, that night was fun, really fun in fact, but for Ted's sake we can't do it again, it would be wrong"

"No! I need you to get Ted a cake"

"What? Sorry, I can't, I'm a little ways outside of New York" Barney replied, slightly confused. Robin sighed, Barney was her only hope "please, isn't there anything you can do?"

"Alright" Barney said, hanging up.

Robin waited and waited, until eventually she saw an elderly woman climb up onto the roof carrying a box. "Yes!" She said allowed. She walked over to Ted, said something, and opened the box to reveal a cake. Ted thanked the woman but then immediately tried to leave. He was stopped by a crowd of people swarming around him, singing "Happy Birthday'. Robin got up smiling, and walked over, joining in with everyone's singing. However Ted began to look frustrated and screamed "please! I just want to go have sex with my girlfriend" before squeezing past and climbing down off the roof. Marshall looked at Lily and said "What was that all about?" and she shrugged in reply.

**2010**

"What was that all about?" Robin asked.


End file.
